5 gardening mistakes I vow never to make again
Every year, I make these same rookie errors… No more!
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February in the garden is traditionally a time for planning. Sure, there’s a bit of pruning to be done, maybe some hardwood cuttings to be taken, and the gardener’s most practised pastime: pottering about. But really this is when we are supposed to look ahead.
My gardening tends to be more ad hoc, fast and loose; the ‘do it now, wish you’d done it sooner, live to regret it’ approach. But this year, with you as my witness, I am vowing to do things differently. And so here, I am sharing the five biggest mistakes that I find myself repeating year after year, in the hope that in doing so, I – and maybe even you – will avoid making them ever again.
Mistake #1: Leaving my collection of almanacs to gather dust
These books come under many guises – almanacs, month-by-month planners, seasonal guides – but all do the same thing, and do it well. That is, they detail the main gardening and growing tasks that you should tackle in any given month. It sounds like really obvious advice, but buy one, and once you have it, read the entry for the current month and the next. Do this every month. Do not – like some people, ahem – read it all in one go, put it back on the shelf, instantly forget everything and neglect to follow any of the advice.
Mistake #2: Confusing “lazy lawn-care” for “wildlife-friendly gardening”
Monty Don would have you leave entire swathes of your lawn – if you have one – to grow wild and free. Doing so will create precious habitat for invertebrates and the birds and mammals that feed on them. This appeals to me on multiple levels: I love wildlife almost as much as I hate “mowing” the lawn (see #3, below). Unfortunately, I do not have swathes. I just about have yards. And when you have a lawn that can be best measured not in “tennis courts” but in “tennis rackets”, that wild patch is barely broad enough to hide a hedgehog.
Instead, I will focus on planting even more pollinator-friendly flowers (Achillea and Agastache are both on my list this year), creating a little logpile for any weary beasties, and maybe even introducing a water feature. (Does an old bucket of rainwater by the back door count as a water feature?)
Mistake #3: Using the wrong tool for the job. Every. Single. Time.
I have tried everything to keep these four square metres of lawn looking tidy. First there was the strimmer, which did a wonderful job of sending grass seed flying into the borders. Next came the Flymo, “the best cordless mower for small gardens”, which had the turning circle of an articulated lorry. Then there was the time I cut the grass using kitchen scissors, which took hours and gave me blisters on both hands. This year, I will buy, borrow or steal a manual mower, like the groundsmen of yore, and I will pray for success.1
Mistake #4: Being a grossly negligent plantlet parent
Following a period of rigorous research, online shopping and/or seed swapping, your seeds have been acquired. Next, they are lovingly sown, firmed gently and carefully moistened, like bathwater tinkled over a baby’s head. Placed in the cold frame or on a sunny windowsill, optimally ventilated and situated to ensure just the right amount of heat and light, you watch as the tiny seeds sprout, their unfurling first leaves filling your heart with hope.
And then, when the young plants – now vying for air, water and nutrients with their neighbours – need you most, you become distracted by a very important task, like watching the Winter Olympics highlights, or making a cup of tea, and next thing you know, your seedlings have grown scrawny, leggy, worthy only of the compost bin. Yet you plant them out anyway, and watch as they become a decaying reminder of your unworthiness to nurture life.2 Full of shame, full of regret, you nonetheless think to yourself: I wonder if it’s too late to sow some Liatris spicata seed.
Mistake #5: Shopping. Lordy lordy, the shopping.
In winter, my wife and child have no interest in going out into the garden. More fool them; come summer, the choice will be out of their hands. Between late April and October, it will be impossible to open the backdoor. There are the pots containing the hardening-off veg seedlings, the pots containing the evergreen shrub collection I picked up at B&Q – come on, £8 for 6 plants, who could resist? – the pots of experimental softwood cuttings (possibly already dead), and of course the leaning tower of pots, a monument to plant purchases past. No, this year, I absolutely will not be buying any more plants. There’s no need. There’s no space. It’s not happening.
Oh go on, just one little Echium pininana never did anyone any harm…
What are the biggest mistakes you’ve made in the garden? What hard-earned wisdom can you share with the rest of The Earthworm community? Seriously, I am dying to know! Leave a comment and share your shame and/or advice.
Still to come this week on The Earthworm
Tomorrow: My interview with the one and only Jo Thompson – Chelsea Flower Show multiple gold medal-winner and one of the most influential (and nicest!) garden designers around.
In case you missed it
Tuesday: An introduction to me and my relationship with gardening. Read it here.
Yesterday: Why a modern Disney classic has a surprising amount to teach us about our approach to gardening. Read it here.
I haven’t even mentioned the cordless edging shears – a cunning purchase for the urban gardener whose grass is more edge than lawn. Or so I thought. As it was, crawling around on all fours with a glorified beard trimmer struck me as a low point in my gardening endeavours.
Last year’s victims included Centaurea cyanus 'Black Ball' and Ammi majus.
All these…. I’ve made all these mistakes. Tree-loppers were my worst - with my hand-eye coordination there was no way these were ever going to be a success